Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A date with DESTINY : PART 1

“Most of the time crap happens in life but sometimes miracles do happen.”
For me august 18,2007 was one such day…Well you don’t sit for yours first campus selection everyday.
I woke up around six I (at least 2 hr before my routine) just to find out it was already morning…last night I had fallen asleep with Balagurusami (fuck man!!! It’s a book) while trying to handle the File Handling’s Chapter.

I checked the time, I didn’t had enough of it..the formalities were to start at 8.30 A.M. It was six already… and for once in my life I wanted to reach college early today. I glanced Bala and clock almost simultaneously. There was no option but to leave the file handling chapter. Bad move, I thought but was helpless… I had to get ready.

While brushing my teeth I made an eye contact with my image in the mirror, something inside my head said,”one good day and every one will forget how much you screwed your 4 yrs of engineering or at least it will help you to forget it”. I smiled, the white foam of toothpaste came out of my mouth…I smiled again..

By eight I was ready in my casual attire … checked myself in the mirror, man! I was looking damn good. I did a salute to god, something that I always perform on occasions when I feel heavy requirement of luck and I desperately needed it today. I stepped out .
It might sound melodramatic, but every thing outside that day was looking fresh and wonderful ( might be because I never stepped out so early in the last 3-4 years)…but it was really wonderful.
On my way to college a school guy who has missed the bus waived me for a lift, I thought of ignoring him and speeding..”Do good to someone dude, at least today”, someone barked inside me. I stopped and dropped him to the next stop. Well, I was a slightly changed person.
Within the next ten minutes I was in college..A poster of SAPIENT saying ”TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD WORK WITH SAPIENT “ was fixed near Lincon..I glanced it. It said ”1. Wear up your sleeves- No dress code. 2. OUTLOOK SURVEY: best companies to work for in India and blah! Blah! Blah!”. Fuck you man! I get a job in your company I get to earn big money and make my Dad believe I have got some worth. That’s all I care. . Some people were so involved in reading it as if they will be asked to write the 10 points in written.Poor Chaps, I though and moved on

Started searching for some familiar faces. Found them near Library..A full beautiful girl from our junior batch was doing registration. She asked me for my name and No.( enrolment one yar). I fumbled. Look this is the problem with idiots like me, whenever we talk with people smarter than us we loose all our confidence…Though in the later part of the day I will have to talk to a person much smarter and intelligent than me, I thought..but that’s only if I qualify written.

I don’t remember much what happened between the registrations and written except that I went to Bon-Bon and puffed two suttas and came back to know that Jhadi has lost his cell on the way. Bad start of the day for poor guy.

The written started around 10 I think ( Ya! The guys were exactly on time). I strategically planned my seat, diagonally to N’jahwan in a way that I get the best view of his answer sheet. After all it was a big day in my life…I had to make my arrangements.

cont : in the next post

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To be or not to be….



My life is so full of unpredictability and contradiction that hypocrisy then becomes a natural trait.
I seem to befriend every change now and then…sometimes I force my self to elude it but it always catches up with me…Drat!! So much of escapism.
Adaptability always gets a late welcome though. For the simple reason that I am not ready to give up things in my life no matter how rooted up they are in past. I know there is no future in being held up by memories and it’s a precious waste of present.
So , I do what I can…I manage , I adapt , I give up.
Many a times I am caught between what I am and what I want to be. As for now I have no clues whatsoever where my life is heading. Some month and I will know what I want.
As for what I am: Numb, hurt, stubborn, ignorant, depressed and determine describes me the best now…Don’t worry I will change to funny, irritating and talkative etc in some time. I don’t know how much this “sometime” is going to be though.
Friends are there. Thank god! I have always been betrayed by those whom I know and trust. Always rescued by those whom I don’t know and never bothered to know as long as I am rescued…
SELFISH. Suits me. Hope it doesn’t hurts them.
I am my own redeemer, I am my own destroyer. Blame doesn’t come into picture.
Again no worries I move on…
To be what others want me to be has never ever materialized. Egoist and me?? Nah!!.
What I want to be is still incomprehensible to me. Well my dear old friends will let me know.
Time has not walked out of me. I feel this quantum has held me down and this quantum will set me free too…
I would wait for it.
AAMEN