To be or not to be….

My life is so full of unpredictability and contradiction that hypocrisy then becomes a natural trait.

I seem to befriend every change now and then…sometimes I force my self to elude it but it always catches up with me…Drat!! So much of escapism.

Adaptability always gets a late welcome though. For the simple reason that I am not ready to give up things in my life no matter how rooted up they are in past. I know there is no future in being held up by memories and it’s a precious waste of present.

So , I do what I can…I manage , I adapt , I give up.

Many a times I am caught between what I am and what I want to be. As for now I have no clues whatsoever where my life is heading. Some month and I will know what I want.
As for what I am: Numb, hurt, stubborn, ignorant, depressed and determine describes me the best now…Don’t worry I will change to funny, irritating and talkative etc in some time. I don’t know how much this “sometime” is going to be though.

Friends are there. Thank god! I have always been betrayed by those whom I know and trust. Always rescued by those whom I don’t know and never bothered to know as long as I am rescued…
SELFISH. Suits me. Hope it doesn’t hurts them.
I am my own redeemer, I am my own destroyer. Blame doesn’t come into picture.
Again no worries I move on…
To be what others want me to be has never ever materialized. Egoist and me?? Nah!!.

What I want to be is still incomprehensible to me. Well my dear old friends will let me know.

Time has not walked out of me. I feel this quantum has held me down and this quantum will set me free too…
I would wait for it.

AAMEN