Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mera Naam JOKER!!

Jaante Ho Duniya Ka Sabse Bada Joker Kaun Hai?

Woh Uparwaala!!

How true???
Life's a big Circus in itself and we,though think to live and be a part of it,but sometimes we are no more than mere spectators to it. Witness to a great show called Life-- our own very life,we laugh at our helplessness, knowing fully well that we are losing our happiness,losing what we always wanted,what we always desired.

Indeed that's the life of a joker!!!

"But...then the Question remains,Who`s the Joker"?

“Aaj Raju Ko Mat Roko; Aaj Ussey Duniya Ko Saabit Karna Hai Ki Duniya Ka Sabse Bada Joker Wahi Hai” :) :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

the rear view..



I remember,
failing in the History exam in VI,
I wept till my eyes turned pink...
was new in the school, teacher gave an ugly look,
said..another looser comes here..
Don't wanted to face Dad..
felt like running away somewhere..

I remember,
the Finals with APS,L in XI,
last wicket,eight runs per over..
A freaky bowler and an aching head,
but the game depends on me the coach said...
The very second ball, I saw my bails go in the air,
disappointed,deserted, disintegrated everything i was,
wanted the pitch to sink and fossilize me than and there..

I remember,
my breakup in the III yr,
I ran and ran to catch up the time,
hoping like always some,how i 'll make things fine.
nothing got sorted, time dint stop
saw my pyramid of hope, crumbling from the top..
Realising not all life's best things stay forever...

I remember Roomil leaving us forever, last year,
I didn't cry, not even a single tear,
Stood dere and watched my bestest buddy go up in flames..
Just felt like looking up and asking god..
why was I the chosen one always here..

As I sit here and remember.
a billion such craps that i have survived..
fell ,rose and fell again,
but never gave up int the game called life..

I might not have still figured ,
how winning is done..
but some how along the course of life I have learned,
the way living is done..

though the elementary lesson of cricket still hold on,
life is one bouncy track..
the ball will not always come on to your bat..
stay on the pitch,keep moving your feet..
Someday,you will learn to live that bouncy pitch..

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Life@rear mirror...


I took my soul and left
my world in a rear mirror

I tried to run and I did try
but the light came by and by
and your face would reappear..

then i thought maybe these clouds will someday clear,
and with me my beliefs will adhere
but you left when u decided to
we became unstuck when u wanted to
Was fate ever in my hands???

Ever gave it a thought,
when we both become a memory
will I finally be me?

Driving looking at my face
I promised myself,i will never give up my pace..

'coz its you that made me see
the garden past that big old tree.
I still owe you that..

Maybe i should thank the mighty believer,
for building the rear mirrors
the light still shining in
you left...and now I begin...:)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Remembrance...


Someday we will know, where does an aviator goes
When their work on earth is through.
Where the air is clean, and the engines gleam,
And the skies are always blue.
They have flown alone, with the engine's moan,
As they sweat the great beyond,
And they take delight, at the awesome sight
of the world spread far and yon.

Yet not alone, for above the moan, when the earth is out of sight,
As they make their stand, He takes their hand,
and guides them through the night.
How near to God are these men of sod,
Who step near death's last door?
Oh, these men are real, not made of steel,
But He knows who goes before,

And how they live, and love and are beloved,
But their love is most for air.
And with death about, they will still fly out,
And leave their troubles there.
He knows these things, of men with wings,
And He knows they are surely true.
And He will give a hand, to such a man
'Cause He's an aviator too.

P.S-Dedicated to Roomil...my bestest childhood buddy, a brother rather, an amazing prankster and an aviator with Indian Air Force..A true son of soil..he left us in a mishap while his paradiving training mission..Had a great love for flying...eventually he died doing what he loved the most....Flying.
Champ!! its still hard to believe that one complete year has passed since you left us..at times when i am facing life's blue it feels that you wil just swoosh inside and cheer up everyone..Dunno where you are dude..bt I am sure you will be Rocking there too:)..roomu, the the girls n clement town are getting hotter re..missed you there a lot this time..Oye!! you still owe me that beer..remember....hope to see ya again someday...somewhere buddy..keep rockin!!mising ya!

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Resurrection..


It was a not so warm morning of the month of March. The sun was struggling hard to prove the arrival of summer, but he was still not able to prove his dominance to the world…few more months and world will swear by his strength.

I was waiting for VP at the bus stand. Like always the bastard was late again. This wasn’t my first trip to Chandigarh...but yeah…destiny had stored something to make this trip an unforgettable one for me.

Unknown by this fact I kept moving my head here and there…appreciating the masterpiece of Le Corbusier (the Swiss-French architect who designed Chandigarh). Wondering if someday I will too give my masterpiece.

Just then I saw a girl (rather she caught my attention) with a familiar face getting down from bus.It took a nanosecond for my mind to recognize her. Ya! It was SHE.

Slowly and cautiously she was moving towards me.

I was seeing her after a very long time (perhaps 3 and half year or 1345 days to be precise). Last time I saw her was when we came to school to collect our XII class-passing certificate.
Somebody had told me about her moving to Chandigarh…but then I thought if things aren’t in your hand why care for them?

Anyway I again tried stealing a few glances of her, just to confirm my heart that it was SHE only..

She was wearing a light yellow colored salwar-kameez with a hell lot of embroidery work on it…with her hair let loose. A naughty tress of her hair was continuously trying to fall forward and touch her cheeks and she was carefully settling it behind her ears.Man!! How these girls make even a simple thing look so beautiful!!
And in ear she wore golden round earrings that were large enough to become bangles.

God!! She was looking damn beautiful. And than,I realised, she has changed a lot too.

The regular short skirts and sleeveless tops were replaced by carefully dressed salwar kameez. The hairs once carefully tightened into rope like structure called "choti" were now let loose, to fall freely in any direction…and bangles whom once she once considered too girly …were making tinkling sound…only to make my heart go crazy.

My so cute TOMBOY, who used to fight guys for saving her lunchbox, had turned so girly…but then with this she had become even more desirable. Every time I stole stares at her she was becoming more and more desirable.

Her taste in guys might have changed…but there was something that hasn’t changed…she was cute then…and was cuter now too. She was beautiful then and was turning inevitable now too.

For a moment flashback of school days engulfed me…those basketballs trials when she would bring water for me in her bottle…the days when I used to teach her physics and impatiently shout when she was not able to carry out simple integration problems…the zillion sessions of watching TOP GUN together..the bus ride back to hope....and then the day when it all fell apart…when we turned our back to each other…when we broke up.


A loud honk shattered my dream.It was VP..Cricket or life this bastards timings have always been pathetic. He used to get me run out then..he gt me run out this time too..

She was a few feet far from me…I tried my best to turn my face away from her. Perhaps the ego problem still persisted in me..or maybe I do not wanted VP to see her & make an issue out of nothing.. Lossed somewhere in her thought (perhaps yar, they were not about me) she passed me. Around two feet far from me.

While passing her fragrance took me over…. only to realize that her taste in perfumes has also changed...

This was the first time in life we passed so closed to each other as complete strangers. No hi! No hello…nothing…we just passed away. It had never happened in two years of schooling that we did together. I repeat the word ”together” with double inverted commas. Yeah…from the moment we reached school to the moments we left for our home…we were all together…and today we have passed like strangers. Atleast ,I thot..Atleast I could have said a stupid Hi!!..bt no Iwasn't ...Time man… time…it can change everything.

“Rikshawale bhaiya”…somewhere from my back I heard the familiar voice (after 945 days) from the cutest creature on this earth. The voice not only made my eardrums but each and every cell of my body to vibrate…now I m not a medical student who can explain this phenomena…but this was something unusual…never happened to me before…
All I can say is there was a RESSURECTION of a long forgotten desire that made me to rather my heart to……….

Sorry, The words ceased to flow like everytime whenever I think about her…

Saturday, November 15, 2008

नियति..




उड़ान ,
विचारों की मेरे,
हैं ऊची.....बहुत ऊंची...
आकाश जितनी॥

पर अक्सर ..
उड़कर
ऊचा,
गिरता हूँ नीचे..बहुत नीचे॥
की पहुँच जाता हूँ कही पाताल की गहराइओ में,
और फ़िर पड़े-पड़े वही,
औंधे मुह... सोचता हु,
की थी जब नियति गिरने की...
तो की ही क्यूँ कोशिश उड़ने की॥
कोसता हूँ,
कभी
ख़ुद को... कभी फलक को।

और फ़िर सोचते सोचते ,बदलता हूँ करवट...
फ़िर दीखता है वही धुला आसमान...
और फ़िर दोबारा शुरू हो जाती है... एक नई उड़ान :)...

इसी प्रकार बार-बार दोहराती है "नियति", मेरा इतिहास ॥

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Begining of an end...

Rahul Dravid once commented, "On the off-side, first there is God, then there is Ganguly”.

Now there will only be God, since dada would be retiring this Monday.A Tiger in true sense. He wore his heart on his sleeve, led his team passionately, ruffled feathers of one and many. All said and done, he did everything what a batsman needs to do to prove himself to be world-class.

Dada said farewell to cricket after 12 glorious years and at times controversial seasons in the highest level of the game. But for cricket, it`s not merely the loss of an icon, rather of a born fighter, who led his country with passion and shrewdness and would go down as one of the best captains in the annals of cricketing history.

My affection for dada takes me back to 6th class…I had recently discovered my love for the game…. Sahara Cup was on during those days and a guy called Saurav Ganguly, left handed batsman and right arm bowler, like me.(though I was a spinner) was ransacking the pakis bastard’s camp like hell in Toronto…and I knew who was my role model in cricket for now….the betest lefty..

I grew up imitating his every shot, his batting style, following up his each century, cheering each of his boundary …Most of you guys will laugh on it but believe me was so obsessed with him during the 1999 WC that every note book I bought in 9-10 class had a picture of Dada on it…

Still remember the Independence Cup match of January 99, as India did an impossible by chasing 315 by the pakis in Dhaka…man!! It was an impossible victory…300s were rare during those days…. chasing 315, was as mammoth as disintegrating Mt.Everest…Dada made his career best 124 despite of being getting hurt…Kanitkar’s four on second last ball and India won the match…the whole damn society was dancing on streets..haha!! Wonderful it was …

There was no looking back after that, his heroic 183 against the Sri Lanka in WC’99 …The Natwest Trophy final win in 2002 against England after heroic performances by Yuvraj Singh and Mohammad Kaif brought out the spontaneous passion ingrained in the man, who celebrated by taking off his shirt and fluffing it in the air from the Lords balcony…Yeah!!

In Australia in 2003-04 he knew that his struggling team needed him to lead the way in the critical hour with a captain's innings and he promptly produced a rousing, valorous hundred on a lively pitch against a rampant attack. It was this performance that confirmed, once and for all, that Ganguly was not as fragile as he seemed.

But for me the greatness Dada lay more in his approach to the game than mere statistical analysis. He was a fighter, a die-hard fighter…always refusing to give up..his immence belief on his brigade…the fearless spirit and his aggregation..

Dada did not mind directing the fire at himself. What could they do? Bowl bumpers? Already every fast bowler worth his salt had tried to knock off his head. He had no lordly lineage but he walked and talked as he pleased, not exactly trying to provoke opponents but unwilling to deny himself. He did not give much ground to the modern game, with its fitness and diving and running between wickets and morning training and all that rot. It was brave of him to remain apart, for it left him exposed to ridicule, forced him to justify himself. But Ganguly was not scared of the pressure. Perhaps he needed the extra pressure the way a veteran car needs a crank. And, just in case, he had the populist touch.

If Anil Kumble was the colossus, Sachin Tendulkar the champion, Rahul Dravid the craftsman, VVS Laxman the sorcerer, then Ganguly was the inspiration.

Throughout he has toyed with his fate, tempting it to turn its back on him so that once again he could surprise the world with a stunning restoration. Something in him rebelled against the mundane and the sensible. He needed his life to be full of disasters and rescues, and comebacks and mistakes and memorable moments. To hell with the prosaic. At heart he is a cavalier, albeit of mischievous persuasion.

With 85 on Friday,just falling 15 runs short to complete his fairytale endings…its just so ironic that his fate has once again has eluded him…still there is one more inning to go.. I hope we’ll get to see some real action…

Huh!!!

"Im gonna take you
To a place far from here
No one will see us
Watch the pain as it disappears

Wont you come with me
Salvation well share
Inside of my head now
Theres room for us there"


As I sit here listining to the strain of "Return to Serinity", I wonder if it would ever...

Friday, October 31, 2008

Ambition...

I longed for the twinkling stars,
To be within my easy reach….

Trapped in the oceanic whirl,
Thought for being at the beach…

Without caring for broken legs,
Tried to conquer the highest peak…

Wanted to see the hydrosphere,
As a mighty drop inside ostrich beak…

Thought for walking barefoot over the mighty sun’s surface,
And to see from there every planet, like a perpetual blossom around thy face….

You need light,
I am a fading lamp…

You like attics,
I am a camp…

You like calm & peace,
I am a champ…

You desire soft and tender,
I am hemp…

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Happy Diwali!!





Have a prosperous Diwali. Hope this festival of lights, brings you every joy and happiness. May the lamps of joy, illuminate your life and fill your days with the bright sparkles of peace, mirth and goodwill, because you are someone who deserves life’s best and so much more. Have a joyous Diwali and new year.

Happy Diwali to you and your family..enjy!!

Hitler's: The Enigma of a Dark Lord



I’d like to share a revelation with you, it came to me when I was doing nothing ( as usual) and just going through what I had written in my post about the Dada..

But what got me thinking was Hitler….(??!!) every time I have ever heard of the man...he was described as an evil man, a demon, the devil himself...etc etc…and no doubt .the events that occurred in the world at that time , it was probably justified to call him so, I am not , never was , n never will be a big history freak , but the Nazis intellect , and their ideology was one thing that fascinated me...wht..!!!u say??. How can I say such a thing!!!..well lemme explain.

I am no fan of their bullshit, but what interests me is that how did one man, on so called mad man, manage to convince the entire population or at least a sizable majority of it , to blindly follow him into their destruction and humiliation.
So the question that recurs in my mind is that , was this man really evil or insane, have to clarify that these two words have completely different meanings, I believe that he was insane, not pure evil, though the acts committed by his followers were evil to the bone..

Whats the difference?..you will ask?!
I have read or at least tried to read his autobiography Mein Kampf…couldn’t read more than a 100 pages cause half of what he wrote went completely over my head, wt did go in gave me this picture, his childhood was a very disturbed time,, not like the one we encountered today,(heart breaks n all).. but his problems were social, all around him , things were degrading, disintegrating in shambles...and he was a poor man angry with the system…and that system is what he tried to fight against.
His book was all about the discrepancies of communism, democracy, ( Hell !!!..his description of a session of parliament in Vienna that he observed was so similar to the ones that happen here today in India ,,,that I just burst out laughing:), and even then, there, the politicians were just as useless and selfish as now. So here we have a angry young man, poor, frustrated, and losing faith in everything around him ,,,and what does he sees…the prosperous Jews, and that’s how the tragedy began,

But I guess one man alone in that state of mind cannot do anything, so just goes to show how bad things were in Germany at that time, that when a young Adolf Hitler began to cry out against Jews n other communities , there was tremendous support for his what otherwise would have been mad rambling,, ( compare this to what the RSS, VHP, Shiv Sena do to the hindu population in India,, ) and there you have it , DISASTER.

So what am I trying to prove you will ask me, I don’t know for sure ,cause I don’t know the entire fact yet, but from what a 22 year old has read in his history books and a few novels, and also from watching discovery channel , I think Hitler started out with a picture in mind for a better Germany , but ended up controlling the reins of the most murderous bunch of bastards ever to be seen in this world, and another thing compared to them (and these are specific people of top nazi command ) Hitler was sane, these men were the ones who thought up about the concentration camps that brought about the holocaust, there is also a matter of honor Hitler when he stood defeated as Russian tanks rolled in to Berlin, took his own life, unlike some of his most loyal followers and the real hands behind the Nazi war, who ran away to live in hiding in countries all over the world with the money they plundered from their own people. But what is done is done, no one will ever know what the real Hitler was, we will only what his then enemies will want us to hear about him. And if now you are wondering why after more than 50 years and Indian kid is talking about Hitler, this is the reason .

Let us assume for once that Hitler never existed, that he never created the Nazi ideology, and that the events that the changed the face of the earth all those years ago , never happened, no world war II, good??, or bad??.

Here’s what I think, the war raged on for almost 5-7 years, and in that period of time, England was brought to its knees, the greatest imperial power in the world was using every resource it had, financial and human, in to the war effort. And in the end, it left that power weak , financially, emotionally , physically. Great Britain was too weak to control its largest colony; INDIA. So there, England was in shambles and it needed all its men n women to come to its rescue to rise again, but at the same time the freedom movement in India couldn’t be kept in check because of the preoccupation of all the brits in the war. And so they retreated, decided that India was no longer in their control and left. (of course thanks to their divide and rule policy , our country was spilt into 2 and we been fighting ever since) but they left.

Now back to our earlier assumption that the war never happened; great Britain would have remained in all its glory the greatest imperial power in the world, America would be the new world trying to cut its teeth in to the world economy, India would have remained as a beautiful crown jewel in the British crown , its most prosperous colony.
What about India’s freedom struggle, it would be suppressed, divided by a shrewd British rule where it would probably have to lie in shadows, fighting like guerillas like the Chechens are doing now in what’s left of Russia, or maybe , in due time, the Indians would have accepted the British way of life. Mahatma Gandhi, Nehru, Sardar Patel and Jinnah even couldn’t have lived for ever, after them maybe the new breed of Indian leaders would be pro british. Don’t know how it would go from there,but maybe we could have been more prosperous, more advanced, like Hong-Kong. ( now there’s an example of brit rule for you)..Maybe they wouldn’t have the same plans for India...but he u never know..

So,makes ya think doesn’t it, it far far away, a man called Hitler hadn’t done what he did. Our past , our present , our future could have been so very different.
But looking at the state of our country today, how do you feel ,, good ?? or bad??

Friday, October 24, 2008

Salute!!


This is to a man who taught me how to fight...
a man who showed others that we are not here for charity...
who dared to be aggressive when everybody else had their tails in their legs...
a man who brought aggression, passion and fire in the team....
a man who decided what is right n wrong...
a man who broke the usual path...
a man who was insulted by his own people for breaking the rules

This is to a man whom I support...to the only "MAN" the Indian team has had...

This is to Saurav Ganguly...my inspiration of life time, a die hard fighter..somone who made me believe that whatever the pundits say...with your guts u can always prove them wrong....

You play or you don’t …Dada, I ‘ll be your fan forever…

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Yipee!!!



Sam called me today saying that he was pissed of with his morbid routine of going to office and coming back home everyday...and he needed a change.:( I hate when people call me and do this sissy baby act…like I am some sort of superman who will rescue them from there trouble all the time…i realy hate it.


But this time this chap had something to suggest…a weekend trek in Rishikesh. Man!! I was shocked...for your friends do not call at 11 in the night and say “chal yar kal rishikesh chalte hai”…for god's sake yar,its rishikesh not C.P..


But than I thought It wasn’t a bad idea even…It would be a much needed break for me too..had a tough month with HCL’s training shit…Convincing mom was still left though…but it wasn’t a big deal either...some emotionally blackmailing dialogues like “last holidays of my college life” or “once I join HCL, you know I will hardly get time for these things”.and And mom said O.K..


So I am leaving for rishikesh tomorrow 6 P.M..Wow!! second trip in last 3 month…

Though the water sports would be closed by now..but hopefully we will get to do some good trekking in Pauri region…


Ya! Need to pack my bags now…bye !!



It's October again!!


It's October again

Leaves are falling down like rain

One more year's come and gone

But nothing's changed

Wasn't I supposed to be someone

Who could face the

things that I've been

running from?


Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

If I cry a little

And die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

Let me feel

Let me fall


I become much too good at

being invincible

I'm an expert at 'play

it safe' and 'keep it cool'

But I swear this is not

who I'm meant to be

I refuse to let my

life fall over me


Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

If I cry a little

And die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

Let me feel

Let me fall


Yes, I'm gonna be someone

Ya! gonna be someone

If I take it as it comes

If I face the things

that I've been running from

I've been running from


Let me feel

I don't care if I break down

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

If I cry a little

And die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little


Let me feel

Let me fall


It's October again

The leaves are falling

down like rain Oh...



Thursday, October 9, 2008

Irony of the UNFORGETTABLES..

“Its hard to let go someone who was so close to you that you thought they were for you only…but its still harder to let go some one who was never urs,but still changed ur life…”

Read these lines somewhere and was just wondering how magical they are.
Life has its own way of making people meet. Sometimes you accidentally find people whom you would have loved to meet and sometimes you would have hated even to see them in your worst nightmare.
But then this is life,you will have to bear with it …
The guy who just gave me a lift yesterday,the guys with whom I played cricket in the park on last weekend…
Many kinda people on this earth we meet.Sometimes for a second,sometimes for a day and sometimes they are with us for years…But then they all have to leave some day,leaving behind their memories. Sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter…temporary or permanent..

In them there are some who hit so hard that they just change the direction of one lives...and the moments we shared with them becomes unforgettable…THE UNFORGETTABLES...I like to call them.
There are many unforgettables in evryones life,some are in mine too…and I bet u do have some,whom u have not forgotten or rather have not been able to forget.
Just think about someone UNFORGETTABLE….
Hah!!! THE UNFORGETTABLES…
When you are with them it seems…hit!! You have figured out what life is…its seems a dream coming true,we live in this illusion that these moments will last forever We wish they never end..

But then the worst thing about life is “It screws u right at the moment u think u have figured it out correctly.”


Time or maybe faith compels u to part ….u keep on wondering what went wrong… lucky one figure it out …some unluckys are unable too. U try your best to tie both the end…but than it all fall apart…like it had to be
It reminds me of the song “IN THE END”
I tried so hard,
and got so far,
But in the end it doesent even matters,
I had to fall,
to loose it all…
But in the end it doesent even matters


Hah!! Still true…

For a moment it seems this was the worst thing that can happen. Why Was it supposed to happen to me only?? U shout, u cry…..but don’t get any answer..I loosed it…disappointment, feeling of being a loser,irritations,numbness engulfs you.

But then there is a real good thing about time,”If it gives u the wound, it heels them too”. With time life again gets on to its track….The same getting up in the morning ..running to the office/ college….newer friends ….new works and perhaps…………
A New life.

Evry thing get washed away. . things seem to getting ok.

Then one day u hear a very special song …or witness an incident…That brings u back the glimpse of those old UNFORGETTABLE moments..
U sit down on an arm chair…and think bout those happy moments..
A smile spreads on your face…..a blush come too… cherishing those unforgettable moments.
And if u happen to b a blogger…u jot down them..so that someone else can cherish them..As I did it today…
Hah!!!!THE UNFORGETTABLES….

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Tribute

"............................

Jeevan Main Madhu Ka Pyala Tha
Tumnay Tan Man De Daala Tha
Wah Toot Gaya To Toot Gaya

Madiralya Kay Aangan Ko Dekho
Kitne Pyale Hil Jaate Hain
Gir Mitti Main Mil Jaate Hain
Jo Girte Hain Kab Uthte Hain
Par Bolo Toote Pyalo Par
Kab Madiralaya Pachtata Hai

Jo Beet Gayi So Baat Gayi!!

Mredu mitti k hai bane huye hai
Madhughat phoota hi karte hai
Laghu jeevan le kar aaye hai
Pyale tuta hi karte hai
Fir bhi mandirayal k andar
Madhu k ghat hai madhupyale hai.
Jo madakta k pyare hai
Vo madhu luta hi karte hai
Vo kaccha peene vala hai
Jiski mamta ghat pyalo par
Jo sacche madhu se jala hua hai
Kab rota hai pachtata hai

...................................."
-An Extract from Bacchan ji's "JO BEET
GAYI SO BAAT GAYI".


Never got an oppurtunity to read Bacchan ji much,but i beleive this poem would have been no less than a masterpeice. Read it first,some six-seven years back(X class)..bt the gravity of the lines still keep me hooked to it.Evey line has got amazing sense..and lyrics wonderful..he defenetely deserves a salute for it..

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A date with DESTINY : PART 1

“Most of the time crap happens in life but sometimes miracles do happen.”
For me august 18,2007 was one such day…Well you don’t sit for yours first campus selection everyday.
I woke up around six I (at least 2 hr before my routine) just to find out it was already morning…last night I had fallen asleep with Balagurusami (fuck man!!! It’s a book) while trying to handle the File Handling’s Chapter.

I checked the time, I didn’t had enough of it..the formalities were to start at 8.30 A.M. It was six already… and for once in my life I wanted to reach college early today. I glanced Bala and clock almost simultaneously. There was no option but to leave the file handling chapter. Bad move, I thought but was helpless… I had to get ready.

While brushing my teeth I made an eye contact with my image in the mirror, something inside my head said,”one good day and every one will forget how much you screwed your 4 yrs of engineering or at least it will help you to forget it”. I smiled, the white foam of toothpaste came out of my mouth…I smiled again..

By eight I was ready in my casual attire … checked myself in the mirror, man! I was looking damn good. I did a salute to god, something that I always perform on occasions when I feel heavy requirement of luck and I desperately needed it today. I stepped out .
It might sound melodramatic, but every thing outside that day was looking fresh and wonderful ( might be because I never stepped out so early in the last 3-4 years)…but it was really wonderful.
On my way to college a school guy who has missed the bus waived me for a lift, I thought of ignoring him and speeding..”Do good to someone dude, at least today”, someone barked inside me. I stopped and dropped him to the next stop. Well, I was a slightly changed person.
Within the next ten minutes I was in college..A poster of SAPIENT saying ”TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD WORK WITH SAPIENT “ was fixed near Lincon..I glanced it. It said ”1. Wear up your sleeves- No dress code. 2. OUTLOOK SURVEY: best companies to work for in India and blah! Blah! Blah!”. Fuck you man! I get a job in your company I get to earn big money and make my Dad believe I have got some worth. That’s all I care. . Some people were so involved in reading it as if they will be asked to write the 10 points in written.Poor Chaps, I though and moved on

Started searching for some familiar faces. Found them near Library..A full beautiful girl from our junior batch was doing registration. She asked me for my name and No.( enrolment one yar). I fumbled. Look this is the problem with idiots like me, whenever we talk with people smarter than us we loose all our confidence…Though in the later part of the day I will have to talk to a person much smarter and intelligent than me, I thought..but that’s only if I qualify written.

I don’t remember much what happened between the registrations and written except that I went to Bon-Bon and puffed two suttas and came back to know that Jhadi has lost his cell on the way. Bad start of the day for poor guy.

The written started around 10 I think ( Ya! The guys were exactly on time). I strategically planned my seat, diagonally to N’jahwan in a way that I get the best view of his answer sheet. After all it was a big day in my life…I had to make my arrangements.

cont : in the next post

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To be or not to be….



My life is so full of unpredictability and contradiction that hypocrisy then becomes a natural trait.
I seem to befriend every change now and then…sometimes I force my self to elude it but it always catches up with me…Drat!! So much of escapism.
Adaptability always gets a late welcome though. For the simple reason that I am not ready to give up things in my life no matter how rooted up they are in past. I know there is no future in being held up by memories and it’s a precious waste of present.
So , I do what I can…I manage , I adapt , I give up.
Many a times I am caught between what I am and what I want to be. As for now I have no clues whatsoever where my life is heading. Some month and I will know what I want.
As for what I am: Numb, hurt, stubborn, ignorant, depressed and determine describes me the best now…Don’t worry I will change to funny, irritating and talkative etc in some time. I don’t know how much this “sometime” is going to be though.
Friends are there. Thank god! I have always been betrayed by those whom I know and trust. Always rescued by those whom I don’t know and never bothered to know as long as I am rescued…
SELFISH. Suits me. Hope it doesn’t hurts them.
I am my own redeemer, I am my own destroyer. Blame doesn’t come into picture.
Again no worries I move on…
To be what others want me to be has never ever materialized. Egoist and me?? Nah!!.
What I want to be is still incomprehensible to me. Well my dear old friends will let me know.
Time has not walked out of me. I feel this quantum has held me down and this quantum will set me free too…
I would wait for it.
AAMEN

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Confession....

Taking a beer doesent hurts one much.........
Taking a beer cocktailed with wishkey and the grass already doing its job inside your head....might.
Last day in college...11.30 P.M...our favourate spot for 4 long years(bon-bon)...4 harami friends...daaru making them confess how much they are attached and/or pissed of with each other and the highs and lows of the four long years of their existence here.....
Priceless!!!
The hangover was worthy...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Wrapping up....



Finally, I am done with my final year project…the viva was average, rather I should call it good considering my standard.

First it was the last internal exams, then the internal practicals and now the final year project.Suddenly it seems that I am hurriedly wrapping up everything for the last one time. I am wrapping my four years.

With this week the external practicals would get over and than the finals exams too.

Everything that we now talk and discuss has got a phase shift from earlier time…it would have been a great surprise if it wasn’t the final year. The panvadi, bon-bon, momo king and cricket might be loosing their significance in my life sooner…but than I will be eternally thankful to them ‘coz they made my b.tech bearable. This would have been very tough otherwise…

I remember my earlier days in the college, how desperately I wanted to get the hell out of here…but now when the time is flying by... I wish I could stay a little longer, for there are some things that are still left undone..

Harking back, the drama was no less than a bollywood movie for me. A billion heart breakes, thousands of twists and turns…tonnes of backlogs sinking into ass....semesters after semesters and then some pain in the ass professors, who always looked at me as if I slept with there wives last night ... and than a somewhat happy ending.(hope so..the last sems final are still to go)

Way back in my earlier semester, I often used to wander weather I will be getting placed or not? And leave anyone it was even me who wasn’t able to come up with an answer…So I decided to let time figure it out itself.

Fortunately in the end every thing figured fantastically well....I beleive by now I have learnt to survive and win in the system…but wait for serenity does not stays longer here, so theres software slump,the fuckin U.S economy slowdown and cost cutting, firing and all …

But somehow I have always been able to figure out things well in the end…hopefully I will get it done this time also..

Aamen

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why I don't celeberate Valentine's day.....


No, please don’t think that I belong to the moral police who have a rather twisted definition of the word “moral”. No, I don’t and I would be the first to pelt a stone at them if God closed his eyes for once.

The reason is my experiences at school and college. Today, when I hark back to those days, I can’t help feel amused and can’t understand why I felt the way I felt then – disappointed, deserted, despicable. Life was so narrow.But today after years, I think I can share what just a few, very close friends know. If any one of them comes across this blog, do lemme know.

Ok, the first bite of cupid.I was in XI standard in school in Delhi. And wow, she was beautiful and I saw her, rather she caught my attention on her birthday, as she was in a black dress as against the boring school uniform. That was August and I knew I found someone who can make me forget my first crush. After a few months of stealing stares at that loveliest face on this planet, came the V-day and I decided that it was enough of this one side traffic. I got to get over it. In January, I was made the prefect of the school and my duty used to be on the school gate to see that latecomers don’t disturb the assembly (morning prayer) and to punish them. And as it was to happen, she was often late and on pretext of writing a qualifying remark in her diary, I noted all her info like address, phone no. Dad’s name (to make sure he’s not in army).

Then, came the big day, it was around this very time as now, a few days ahead of the V day. She was late. I decided I had to act so that by V-day she’d be reserved for me – first mover advantage, you see. That day, I did not write remarks in the diaries of any student and took them to the ground and asked all of them to run two rounds of the playground. And to her I said, “Hey, you (my dream girl), you are late everyday, I wanna talk to you so please wait.” As other students started running, I got close to her and said, “See you got two choices – either go for 2 rounds of this huge playground or have a thumbs-up with me during lunch break.” And you can’t guess the height to which my heart jumped when she said, “I’ll see u during the lunch break”.

O man, why did the world suddenly become so beautiful, why did the temples’ bells start ringing suddenly and why only I could hear the bells, where from the breeze started flowing, and why did the surroundings seem to move in slow motion – ai la bollywood filam.

By lunch all my classmates knew that I am gonna have thumbs-up with her during lunch and all of ‘em gave me a thumbs-up! Where could one find friends so good!

There I was, after borrowing some money from friends lest I should fall short of money in the canteen and feel embarrassed, standing at the canteen waiting for the my-fair-lady. I was sure it should be February as the month of love and not November. Then I saw her emerge from the school building. My! My! What a scene that was! A girl smiling at me and moreover coming towards me!!!! Hard to believe and it still is. She came close and stood near me. I said, “Thank You. Can we have the cold drink after some time; lets talk first and then have the drink (thinking it would give me more time to spend with her – God! how I wanted to be in her fragrance for ever).

She said, “Actually, my friend is also with me, if you don’t mind. Please understand I could not have come alone even though we are in the school canteen.”
“That’s no problem, please call your friend” was my gentlemanly reply. She smiled looking across over my shoulders and I turned to see Vishal smiling and coming to wards us.
Why did I hear a sound of something breaking? Are hearts made of glass?

He seated himself between us. And man, Vishal was really VISHAL. He was one year senior to me, and already 6 feet in vertical and not less than 4 feet horizontally.
She introduced, “He is Vishal, my friend,”“Boyfriend”, corrected Vishal with the largest grin I ever saw.

He seemed to be the pure personification of the Ravana - at least for me.“Yes, who does not know Vishal. He’s so popular in school” I replied and thought – my foot, this geynda, how on this earth could you find only him in this school containing more than 500 guys.“We can order now” said my dream girl, err ex-dream girl! L L
“What will u have, I am gonna take only thumbs up”, said I forcing the same amount of interest as was there before the entry of that geynda, the hippo.“I will have one thumbs up, two samosas with chhole and one patty. Also one pastry – black forest”, demanded the hippo.“I will like a mazaa”, said the sweetest one of us all but the words no more rang any bell in my ears and I looked around wondering what all happened to the temple bells and the breeze.
I calculated, and was relieved that I was just saved of any embarrassment on the monetary front.And how I hated that the canteen was self-service and my being a gentleman at that point.

Had never imagined life could take turns so fast and I thought only I drive at 75kph – within matters of few hours the world turned bitter from sweet, the breeze became dry, and the temples’ bells were replaced with a deafening killing silence.


In the afternoon during the last class I went to the class teacher and gave up the prefectship.I decided not to get involved in such “emotions” again. And I was impressed by the way I kept my word – more steadfast than the New Year resolutions for I really did not try going close that way to any girl for next two years, but then I saw someone in the second year of my college.Then I decided to give the whole process a head start and jump straight to the point by giving her the card and expressing my heart outright. Experienced, I was by then!

We were 3 guys in my group of 7 and we 3 got together on 13th feb night and purchased some 10 cards for the next day. Each one with a target.Sitting on our daily morning meeting point, I filled up the card and headed straight to the college building.

With a smile on the face I handed over it to her.“So sweet of you”, she started without caring to open the card and continued, “I know what’s in it but you are 3 months late. I got married last month”
Why don’t they have this damned day on 14-nov?????The huge building of the college fell on me and I got crushed under the third crush of my life.Today, I find the whole thing – the two incidents so hilarious – more so my own thoughts and those emotions – heavy then and lighter now, which I tried to recapture here.Remembering these incidents always lightens me up as I get a hearty laugh inside me.

Note –
Though I have not named anyone in the post, so if someone – more particularly any or both of the two girls with some chance happening happen to read this, please excuse me.

Friday, April 18, 2008

DARD-E-CRICKET

Korbo, lorbo ,jeetbo…

The slogan of Kolkota knight riders.Well the slogan was really inspiring but the advertisement was really sucking. I believe these filmy people should stay away from cricket. They are hurting the dignity of the game.

Most of you might feel like tearing my shirt or burning my effigies for this ‘coz in a country like India stardom is as bigger as cricket…but pls allow me for it a sport and not a fucking pain in ass soap opera.

A batsman chewing the ball like an apple and dancing in front of the bowlers aggression..
PhuAahhhh…..

Can any one tell mr.SRK that its cricket and not your bloody Dard-e-disco set. The game has got some dignity man…it has zeal enthusiasm and ruthlessness…Pls do not make a bloody low I.Q shit out of it…but than who cares till big mullahs are flowing in( ya! I am talking about the BCCI bastards)..

Anyways Its going to be really nice to see Dada in captain’s cap again…lets hope we get to witness the same tiger who roared loudlly in the Net-West and the WC after that…
The most successful, aggressive and the most emotional captain of Indian cricket team…also perhaps the most liked and disliked captain….

Well I might hate SRK like hell but my wishes for dada extend much beyond that...So lets hope to see some real action from dada and his team..

I am going to cheer for the Knight Riders in the IPL…
Korbo-lorbo-jeetbo

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Crawling back to u

I know we haven’t been good friends for some time. I know I have an ego problem. But this once I pretend I don’t have one ( Diplomatic na?). What to do? I am like that only. We have been together for so long that you know me well.

I know I can be rude at times but so do you. We both are at fault. Why not just accept our mistakes and make a fresh start. We owe each other a lot. Don’t you think so?

Let’s make the best use of the time that we have together. Both of us are aware that we are not going to be around each other for very long. Now is the time we can spend together…what say you?

I know you are pissed of at me, but I know you can’t be angry with me for long. As I say I am a nice guy..”Accha Baccha” . You know it too. Come on. Cut me some slack…I am not that bad…I need you.

I AM MAKING AN EFFORT TO GET BACK TO YOU. I HOPE YOU WILL FEEL THE SAME WAY..

Life, I am coming back to you..

Thursday, March 13, 2008

To begin with....

Once upon a time, there lived a boy called Rishi…. Well, he’s still pretty much alive. A little more rounder at the waist perhaps, but alive and well. And for a while all was good….He was like a Delhi roads… a perpetual Work in progress… sorry for the inconvenience; bear with us today for a better tomorrow and all that.
When people asked him what he did, He would easily reply, hey I’m doing my engineering man!! Royally screwed yeah, still got years to go to get it over and done with. Blah Blah blah… So, for a while… it was all good.. Well, not good in a yo ha hu yahoo!! way all the time, because there was the usually adolescent bullshit of heart breaks, exams, fucking pain in the ass college professors and oh yes… backs, backs and backs. But, then one fine day, He was done with engineering. He had done his time, paid his debt to society (No! the phrase isn’t appropriate, I know!! But hey, you haven’t been to my college either) and after 4 long years of chutypanti! (For lack of a better word) he’d say he had turned out pretty fine. Doubly placed!!! Even….
So, why am I referring to myself in the third person you might think…? I don’t know!!! So don’t ask.So, here I am..4 long years in engineering college has left a nice BIGASS void in my life! For which I will be eternally thankful.. A doubly placed instrumentation n control engineer, trying to make it in the world of software development. For 4 years, I’ve hidden myself behind the “work in progress” tag. And now as that reassuring bit of security is slowly getting dissipated, I find myself in a scary new situation. It’s Time to take on the big bad world. And I’m not ashamed to say, I am scared shitless!!
That blogging bug is back! For a while now, I couldn’t write.. Especially when all I did write was what I DID and how I DID it.. And forget another reader; it was ME who was getting bored of my own shit. So, a good long break and I think I’ve understood why exactly I had started this shit in the first place. I was nervous as hell, and had no idea what I was doing and I wanted a place to puke all the shit in my head out. And I wanted people to read it too.And I’m glad many people did and liked it, enjoyed it or reacted to it. :) Thank you. But I’m also sorry that you had put up with the crap that I was spewing for the last few months. This break had made me realize that unlike in the old days when I used this blog as a place to vent my thoughts out, I had reduced it a place where I gave near trivial accounts of the silly things I was doing once in a while…